Tiers of Tears

 

One moment she was holding her breath and the other she could not catch it. These moments were not very far apart from each other. She felt something bad was going to happen to her. She feared in a world full of so many people who loved her, she was still alone for no one was like her. She was being punished for a crime. Crime of being connected to her human self, preserving her innocence and purity.

She was trying to hold on to all the good moments in her life. She was cuddling herself, wiping those tears as always. Her eyes were washed now, and her spirits washed out. Her tears had left on a journey of their own. Eyes to cheeks, then some rest, and then the lips. Each tear trying to make sure she knew they were there and announcing their presence loud and clear.

She sent cavalry for the first drop, one rolled and then another one after that, and then they all lost count. Each of them reached their destination and then departed. Poof nowhere to be seen but leaving a trail on her face and their home (her eyes). They left in such a hurry that they forgot to turn off the lights and the home was lit in the red shade just like fire flames (her red eyes). Each tear took a lot from her body but also replenished her soul.

She knew it was important to let them go. It was their time to leave and find a new home. They were on a mission, they had to bring courage to the house they stayed in. She knew they will meet again but for now, they were ready for their ride and so was she. She knew there was someone else who needed them more than her.

Her soul rolled in thoughts and pain just as the tears rolled down her eyes.

It was necessary to free up some space in those eyes of hers to make space for the strength she had built up, for the compassion she had dug up. They helped her clean her vision, squeaky clean. They did their part and now it was her turn. She knew their work cannot be in vain.

So she bid them goodbye, her fingers and they shook hands and bid adieu.

She is not missing them yet, but if they plan to visit again, she welcomes them as always and she feels together they will achieve even greater things.

She is not just me, she is each one of us. She is not just her, she is also him. She is a tear, she comes and mends all tears of soul, heart, and mind. She sews it all.

Be her friend and she will be yours. Do not restrict her and she will resurrect you.

The saga of a tear or saga of a human.

Resurrection

 

Silent whispers and the caramelized air..

Mind and heart collaborating in dispair..

She is sitting by the window, all mellow..

Her path was always tough, but in hope, she would wallow..

She is displaced, her happiness misplaced..

Yet she is chasing her dreams and letting herself be chased..

Love is prime, she kept telling herself..

She always had that enough for others, but never for herself..

She is a creator, she will continue to create..

But first, she will build herself again and resurrect..

She is broken right now but she knows the hard truths now..

She will still love like no one else can, she just needs to give it all to herself for now..

Whosoever is lost right now, it will be alright. Keep telling yourself that and one day it will happen.

SOLDIER ON. AGAINST ALL ODDS. 

Gaze to Praise and not to Chase

 

All our lives we have been told that we need to look a certain way to be a RESPECTED an “ACCEPTED” person of the society. You are short and that is no good, you are too tall and whoa that is not good too.  Then at some point (very early in life), we are introduced to the word “APPROPRIATE”. The most subjective word I have ever come across in my life. Who gets to decide what is apt? Really?

Ever come to think of it, our deepest and strongest insecurities are an outcome of our physical appearance and how we are perceived by our society. We make the society; we do not have to think about if we made the cut. 

A lot has been written and spoken about how we need to appreciate our bodies.  But I ask, when did it stop being a natural phenomenon and a “To DO” instead?  

We go straight to what is not as per norms or is not in a certain way. Well, I should know I am an auditor; we auditors are groomed to scavenge for deficiencies and exceptions. Our fate depends on these capabilities. But we all project such nitty- gritty we pick up growing up on our physical appearance too soon.

A kid born is judged at the very second of his/her birth. Too dark? Meh? Why are such thoughts so perennial and why do we feel that it is right to do so. 

There is no better, no best when it comes to us. We, humans, we're supposed to stick together. Instead, we took the reins and went ahead and defined “BEAUTY” and God isn’t too happy about it. Further, we went ahead and committed another mistake of redefining it, when it does not need to be defined at all.

Look GOOD. FEEL GOOD. BUT DO NOT DEFINE “LOOK GOOD” to be just one big façade. It is ok if your hair does not flow in the air when you want. They are dancing to their own music and they love it, you need to love them too. It is ok if you cannot reach that top shelf.  You can still reach the sky. It is ok if you got the greys. My dad always calls mine “Silver Streaks” and I always respond to him with a smile and say “we all need some silver linings in our lives”. Well, to others who very graciously used to tell me “You got grey hair”, I have always said “Thank You!  Would you be free tomorrow and maybe forever, to just hang out on my bedroom wall as a mirror, please?  Because apparently, you think I do not have one.  Why do we do that?  Spotting such things for others. Stopping the same needs to be a mass movement. :P Just saying!

Keeping myself honest, I sporadically become this person, who is conscious about the looks. I snap out of it real quick but only to go back to the same rut again. I am getting better and recovering. Hope the same for you too.

Please see this one was written at 3am, on my balcony, in the company of my mosquito friends. Those arms look pretty eaten up, but pretty nonetheless.

Love, Peace, and Words (if they were able to reach you).

The Little Black Dress and the Poignant Heels

There is a day, or shall I say so many of them where we just feel someone or something is just bringing us down. We dwell and we get so consumed by our thoughts and our perceptions of how things are and how they should rather be. There is only so much time of ours that we spend in the present. The rest goes into dreaming about the present we want to build for ourselves.

Who does not want to be happy? Who does not want to be carefree? We are in search of perfect bodies, to the T perfection in that winged eyeliner. The perfectly made bed, fixing that one centerpiece so it adds that value it is supposed to.

We care for space yet also bonds. We care for drama yet also peace, we care for stability yet also a rollercoaster of a life. We want to settle yet also be free. We always search and ponder what we want but never for what we need.

There are days you would not want to get out of bed or throw on that little black dress or those great heels which not only make you look tall but feel tall. Because sometimes the scars from the heels you wore last night have not faded yet or you have not been able to breathe enough after that little black dress you wore. But really, tell me what happens when you soldier on and dress up again?  For one, you get new scars, which make the old ones fade though. But most importantly, at the same time, you are completely healed somehow because you did not let those scars stop you from going on.

You have pushed your boundaries a little far and beyond.

Went a little overboard on the analogy there, right? But in all truth and only the truth, like oath-taking kind of truth, the one where I cross my heart and hope to die, I want to tell you what so many on the earth say “Our boundaries are our only limit”.

How we are told as kids to brush every day as it is good for our dental hygiene, to bathe as it is good and to eat, and sleep and so on as this is the way of life we know. But what no one tells us is to keep dreaming and to rise after all the falling because it is good for you and your soul.

You owe a lot to yourself, more than you know, you have dealt with so many dilemmas in life, so many heartbreaks. The fight within you between good and evil. You have not just survived, you have sustained. You did it yesterday and you will do it again tomorrow.

Whatever is bothering you today, would not tomorrow. You know why, because you hold that power to rise from the ashes and come back stronger.

Because remember You have not just survived, you have sustained.

YOU GOT THIS. I SWEAR.

Poor soul took a wrong turn

Everything is at a point in time. Somethings are for a period of time. But in that period too there will be things which will only be at a point in time. When everything is so volatile then why the pride. The day you are able to bring a change for good, is the day to be proud.

The day you touch someone's life, is the day when you do not question your existence. You know life is slow one moment and fast in another. We could spend days in fast forward and flashback but there will be only a few moments in your humongous lifespan which are worth the pause and ponder.

If all these years you have not made a difference, then buddy your bank accounts might be full, so must be your wardrobes but you are not done earning. Not just yet. There will always be something to run after, to dream for but let love (selfless love) and kindness be the ones to live for.

You know we might be a lot in number, but ever occurred to you that we might be so as he intended us to be his one big army to shield and guard each other when fate falls upon us.

We all crumble, are more jumbled than a puzzle, intrigued by luxury yet touched by love. We do not dedicate enough time or thought to what is important - Sustenance. Not just sustenance of lifestyle, of stature but sustenance of our good old friend- our soul, our conscience. If there is something which was supposed to be perennial and now seems like non-renewable, it is the kindness.

When did we lose it? Did we lose it when we very in a hurry to grow up, or when we grew apart? Did we lose it when we were racing to the top to climb up the ladder at work or when we kept slipping and losing the sight of what we lost while we made that climb?

We do know how to make an impression, we all do. But we forget how to make an exception. We go for regular body check-ups, I think we need to check our souls too once in a while. It might need more fixing than our bodies.

This piece of writing does not need to be any longer than this. As if the kindness is alive within you, I plan to reach out to it with just this much.

We all have lost too much in our lives, but the biggest loss would still be the loss of sight and the loss of a selfless motive. And I hope we do not lose anymore in this context.

#Sheetalism Season “I do not know which one, as this one is special.”

Reflect what ought to be reflected upon and refract what should not be reflected upon

There will be mirrors in life which stand in front you, mirrors in front of which you will stand and mirrors that people will hold up in front of you. They say mirrors do not lie. However, they sure do not tell the truth all the same. We all are capable of creating both reflections and shadows. The reflections are a gift, which let you see yourself right into your own eyes. The shadows keep you company.

There are things we can do with a click of a finger, with the tweaks of our tongue and words but we forget that these little capabilities are our powers and as it is rightly said by, “marvelous” creature “With great power comes great responsibilities”.

There will be times when you will be misunderstood and misspoken too maybe mistreated as well. However, what will make all that worthwhile is to realize what made you get there and learn never to follow that path. There will be paths with beginnings so delightful but they will not end the same.

Reflect not only in front of the mirrors, but also reflect upon your thoughts. There might be lost causes, lost opportunities, but there ought not to be “lost hopes”.

Reflections can become shadows if not generated in appropriate light. There will be facts, there will be fables, and then there will be truths. Reflections and mirrors give you a second chance to see your perceptions and your realities. It is only wise to reflect once a while.

We all do not remember what our first reactions, as kids were when we found ourselves in front of mirrors. Yet we cannot go without looking into mirrors today for we do rectify the flaws on our outsides with the unquestionable assistance of mirrors, but we forget to reflect on our insides.

There is no position of power in the world in reality, nothing supreme than the power of being in control of our own emotions.

We know how summers can be and how suns reflection in a magnifying glass can light a fire. There has to be a part in you somewhere on which you are yet to reflect upon. That one part of your soul that will give you a purpose and light up that fire which does not create fury but lightens and enlightens the world.

Reflect while you are blessed with the gift of sight and light .For we all know "Winter is coming".

Sheetalism#Season 16

A promise to promise only what is promising enough

The day you were born or even before that, there is one thing that starts from that day and continues right till the time you are freely dancing on the waves of Ganges (yes the fancy death) and that is, people making promises.

Your parents promise to take absolute good care of you life long, your siblings promise to keep your secrets, you friends promise to be there for you always, even the vegetable seller will promise you good vegetable, your boss will promise you promotions, even the guys in saffron lungis make you and your partner promise stuff (sometimes you do would not even know what you are promising). Promising is an act which arises due to over emotional state of mind. You do believe you will be fulfilling your promise at the time when you make one but unfortunately there is no legality in such causal promises we make in our daily routines. No disclaimer that the promise will be fulfilled only if all things remain constant. Yet we all make and break promises.

Today, promising with the help of a wordplay can be broken to mean - "Pro(Professional) at missing (when needed or as promised)". There is a paradigm shift in the attitude and mind set of people. There is a new thing going on "Disclaimer Promise", now this one makes a person say "I cannot promise but I will try, when the person still really means that I will not even try and it is just a No" Sometimes trying to be polite is not considered as polite, rather it is taken to be a situation where the promisor actually thinks he can outsmart the promisee with few kind words. Well there sure are exceptions to this rule since there are people who do not make promises which they doubt will be fulfilled only to save the other person from the turmoil and trauma.

Back in the days of rulers and kings and pretty castles when there was not much law and order to bind people by paper and stamp, these promises were of prime value. I wonder if we will not just witness the extinction of wildlife and vegetation but also of attributes and things more valuable like wisdom.

We are burdened by choice between beliefs and principles, rather we sometimes do not really analyze the difference. We are made to solemnly promise to abide by the constitution, promise to believe what our society believes and then there are promises we make to ourselves. They all get mixed somewhere, some forgotten some remembered as broken and only few which get to the finish line and they become our milestones. Why are we not really restrictive in making promises? Why do we really feel the need to make them, what magic to they really add. Never really questioned all this right? We’ll let us understand the meaning and reasons behind every promise we make from today and lets not let "Demise of the Promise" be prevalent. There are a lot of angles to this topic and lot of tangents. Covered what struck me first.

In the end I do not promise this will be a good read for you, but I solemnly promise that those were my intentions.

Signing off from your hearts until next time.

Sheetalism#Season 15